in the naked light I saw | teenhood | for cywyllog

[cadcamlan]

He understands where he's going. It's not reassuring, but it's good to know that there's a purpose to his suffering; that his fate is sealed for a purpose, if not exactly as he had wanted it to be. At least knowing made it easier to bear the visions. Made it easier to take control of his mind in the day like Cywyllog had said he could.

Things can go back to normal. He can enjoy this last bit of childhood with someone who won't leave him for knowing his fate. They can relax away from curses and back into stone-skipping, into fort-building.

So he searches the shores for her. He skirts the woods. He wants to laugh with her today, to squeeze her hand and poke her ribs and tug her hair because everything was under control.

She'd be there, right?

Comments

[cadcamlan]

"Good."

It feels wrong to leave her. It also doesn't feel right to keep being this close when they aren't married.

Maybe just a few minutes longer.

[cywyllog]

A few, yes. Since she doesn't seem to be letting go of his hand at this precise moment.

[cadcamlan]

It's never felt this good to just loiter somewhere. It's never felt this right to not move from where he's realized he belongs.

His forehead nuzzles slightly against hers, lips pulling into more of a smile. "You really shouldn't mind calling me your husband, then?"

[cywyllog]

She blinks at him. That's exactly where this is going, isn't it. It just hadn't dawned on her until now.

And then she smiles back.

"I would be proud to."

[cadcamlan]

Better to say it out loud. Better to make it really real between them, not half-understood. "It wouldn't be... entirely the life you're used to, I'm sure."

[cywyllog]

"Nor would it be for you. Unless you've another wife you're keeping secret." It's good they can still tease, after this. She's seen many a noble girl become all too serious once they've married off.

[cadcamlan]

"You think there's another woman who would have me as their lord?" To say nothing of the fact he barely knew other women. Or, at the very least, barely recognized that the fact the young women in town had begun to look after his tall stature and brooding features when he moved past them almost without seeing, lost in his own fate.

[cywyllog]

Her eyebrows rise, half in jest. "Do you mean to say, sir, that I am deficient somehow in choosing you?"

[cadcamlan]

"Only that you're different." His hand not clutching hers lifts to her cheek again, smooths gently along her jaw. "We both are. Whether that's... deficient or superior is... hardly the question."

[cywyllog]

"I am only different in that you dared play with my sisters and I when most other boys knew well enough to stay away." Something she'd always liked about him. "So really, 'twas your difference that gave me mine."

[cadcamlan]

For half a second, he falters. His fingers on her jaw take an actual grip, breath a little tight.

"...I suppose I did this to you." If he had left her alone, maybe her fate wouldn't have twined in with his. Maybe she wouldn't have to fight for a husband she would ultimately lose to a greater purpose. "Would that I could be... more sorry."

[cywyllog]

"No, that isn't what I meant. You were braver than the other boys. You still are."

She places a hand over his holding her jaw to try to relax him. "I choose you first above all others because I want to, not because somehow, you have made it so."

[cadcamlan]

It takes a few seconds for the tension in his fingers to relax, for his jaw to unclench a hair. "...I hope your father sees it as you do, Cywyllog."

[cywyllog]

"As do I. He must know that this is... possible." Mustn't he? Many others may think her father a brute and a warrior King, but she saw the other side to him they did not. "And if he does, then we will be given quarters in the castle. Will you be all right with that?"

[cadcamlan]

Balking is more a stiffening than an actual pulling away, his brow furrowing. "If... we must."

[cywyllog]

That hadn't been what she expected. Of course they would live in her family home. Wouldn't they?

"Where else would we live?"

[cadcamlan]

"I've... just always lived out here." He leans back just a bit, glances toward the trees. "It will take... time. To become used to the... way people are in castles."

[cywyllog]

"It's not so bad." She also doesn't know anything else, but it must be better than living in a cottage in the woods somewhere.

"There are simply more people around, especially at mealtime."

[cadcamlan]

"I'm not as good with 'people' as I am with you, aye?" She was... different. Special.

That's why he loved her, wasn't it?

[cywyllog]

"No, I suppose not." She gives his hand a squeeze. "You won't need to talk to them all, it's more that they're simply there than anything else."

[cadcamlan]

Her fingers tight around his are grounding. Good to know he has her holding him down in reality. "And... I suppose you'll be there. That's something."

[cywyllog]

She nods her head vigorously. "I will. Every step of the way."

[cadcamlan]

That gets him smiling again, fingers catching in her hair to pull her in closer again, press another kiss to her cheek with a fumbling exuberance. "Then we'll live wherever you want, I suppose."

[cywyllog]

"It's just..." She ducks her head. "I do not know how to keep a house. Or cook."

[cadcamlan]

"...you don't know how to cook?" He doesn't mean to laugh. He can't help it. At least it's affectionate.