in the naked light I saw | teenhood | for cywyllog

[cadcamlan]

He understands where he's going. It's not reassuring, but it's good to know that there's a purpose to his suffering; that his fate is sealed for a purpose, if not exactly as he had wanted it to be. At least knowing made it easier to bear the visions. Made it easier to take control of his mind in the day like Cywyllog had said he could.

Things can go back to normal. He can enjoy this last bit of childhood with someone who won't leave him for knowing his fate. They can relax away from curses and back into stone-skipping, into fort-building.

So he searches the shores for her. He skirts the woods. He wants to laugh with her today, to squeeze her hand and poke her ribs and tug her hair because everything was under control.

She'd be there, right?

Comments

[cywyllog]

"No, that isn't what I meant. You were braver than the other boys. You still are."

She places a hand over his holding her jaw to try to relax him. "I choose you first above all others because I want to, not because somehow, you have made it so."

[cadcamlan]

It takes a few seconds for the tension in his fingers to relax, for his jaw to unclench a hair. "...I hope your father sees it as you do, Cywyllog."

[cywyllog]

"As do I. He must know that this is... possible." Mustn't he? Many others may think her father a brute and a warrior King, but she saw the other side to him they did not. "And if he does, then we will be given quarters in the castle. Will you be all right with that?"

[cadcamlan]

Balking is more a stiffening than an actual pulling away, his brow furrowing. "If... we must."

[cywyllog]

That hadn't been what she expected. Of course they would live in her family home. Wouldn't they?

"Where else would we live?"

[cadcamlan]

"I've... just always lived out here." He leans back just a bit, glances toward the trees. "It will take... time. To become used to the... way people are in castles."

[cywyllog]

"It's not so bad." She also doesn't know anything else, but it must be better than living in a cottage in the woods somewhere.

"There are simply more people around, especially at mealtime."

[cadcamlan]

"I'm not as good with 'people' as I am with you, aye?" She was... different. Special.

That's why he loved her, wasn't it?

[cywyllog]

"No, I suppose not." She gives his hand a squeeze. "You won't need to talk to them all, it's more that they're simply there than anything else."

[cadcamlan]

Her fingers tight around his are grounding. Good to know he has her holding him down in reality. "And... I suppose you'll be there. That's something."

[cywyllog]

She nods her head vigorously. "I will. Every step of the way."

[cadcamlan]

That gets him smiling again, fingers catching in her hair to pull her in closer again, press another kiss to her cheek with a fumbling exuberance. "Then we'll live wherever you want, I suppose."

[cywyllog]

"It's just..." She ducks her head. "I do not know how to keep a house. Or cook."

[cadcamlan]

"...you don't know how to cook?" He doesn't mean to laugh. He can't help it. At least it's affectionate.

[cywyllog]

His arm receives a light smack. "When do you think I've ever had the occasion to cook for anyone?"

[cadcamlan]

"Aren't you always-- learning that sort of thing?" If she could embroider, wouldn't she have been taught something useful?

Clearly someone isn't entirely up on how princesses work.

[cywyllog]

"We have people to cook for us and to clean and light the candles in the halls and everything else." She's been learning how to boss those people around!

[cadcamlan]

"...have we got to?" Lighting their own candles, after all, seemed like the sort of thing a man and wife ought to be able to handle.

[cywyllog]

She has to think about that for a moment. "I expect we would be able to choose our own servants and what their duties are, if we wanted to."

[cadcamlan]

They'll find the balance. They have to. "Sounds not so bad."

[cywyllog]

"You'll adjust."

If it even happens. She can't let herself believe it completely just yet, though.

[cadcamlan]

"I have strong motivation to, at least," he laughs softly, almost surprised by the sound of his own contentment. It's something he barely ever knows, after all.

Except with her.