in the naked light I saw | teenhood | for cywyllog

[cadcamlan]

He understands where he's going. It's not reassuring, but it's good to know that there's a purpose to his suffering; that his fate is sealed for a purpose, if not exactly as he had wanted it to be. At least knowing made it easier to bear the visions. Made it easier to take control of his mind in the day like Cywyllog had said he could.

Things can go back to normal. He can enjoy this last bit of childhood with someone who won't leave him for knowing his fate. They can relax away from curses and back into stone-skipping, into fort-building.

So he searches the shores for her. He skirts the woods. He wants to laugh with her today, to squeeze her hand and poke her ribs and tug her hair because everything was under control.

She'd be there, right?

Comments

[cadcamlan]

"They've been more than cruel already." But maybe this is the silver lining. Maybe this is going to work, because the rest of his life is going toward doom. "I can't imagine they'd want to be even moreso."

[cywyllog]

Doom she doesn't want to think about anymore.

"I'm sure they don't mean to be cruel, but there do have to be bright spots. This must be ours."

[cadcamlan]

"If you're my bright spot, I... cannot help but be content." How could he not, if he were allowed to love her?

[cywyllog]

"This should not be all that makes you content." It seems like a lot of responsibility, one she's not used to. Individual attention is still something she's getting accustomed to.

[cadcamlan]

"I'll come to find other things, I'm sure." But for now, there's a fumble of his face leaning a bit closer, pressing a careful kiss to her cheek. "But this seems... the place to start."

[cywyllog]

She lowers her head, trying to hide her smile and the fact that she's blushing profusely. "It's a good place. It feels... right."

[cadcamlan]

"Now we've only to convinced your father of it." Which, well.

Would prove whether or not it really was fate, wouldn't it.

[cywyllog]

That it would.

"I have to say I'm not looking forward to that conversation."

[cadcamlan]

His nose bumps her cheek before he leans back a bit, fingers lifting hesitantly to pat inexpertly at her hair. "Shall I have it without you?"

[cywyllog]

"I don't know. I'm not certain how things like this are done." And if this had happened with one of her elder sisters she was never made aware of it.

[cadcamlan]

"Tell your father I seek audience with him."

And in the meantime, he would go find how in the world to ask for a woman's hand in marriage while swearing alliance to her father.

[cywyllog]

"I will."

Somehow, she gets the feeling these are going to be a very long next few days.

[cadcamlan]

"Good."

It feels wrong to leave her. It also doesn't feel right to keep being this close when they aren't married.

Maybe just a few minutes longer.

[cywyllog]

A few, yes. Since she doesn't seem to be letting go of his hand at this precise moment.

[cadcamlan]

It's never felt this good to just loiter somewhere. It's never felt this right to not move from where he's realized he belongs.

His forehead nuzzles slightly against hers, lips pulling into more of a smile. "You really shouldn't mind calling me your husband, then?"

[cywyllog]

She blinks at him. That's exactly where this is going, isn't it. It just hadn't dawned on her until now.

And then she smiles back.

"I would be proud to."

[cadcamlan]

Better to say it out loud. Better to make it really real between them, not half-understood. "It wouldn't be... entirely the life you're used to, I'm sure."

[cywyllog]

"Nor would it be for you. Unless you've another wife you're keeping secret." It's good they can still tease, after this. She's seen many a noble girl become all too serious once they've married off.

[cadcamlan]

"You think there's another woman who would have me as their lord?" To say nothing of the fact he barely knew other women. Or, at the very least, barely recognized that the fact the young women in town had begun to look after his tall stature and brooding features when he moved past them almost without seeing, lost in his own fate.

[cywyllog]

Her eyebrows rise, half in jest. "Do you mean to say, sir, that I am deficient somehow in choosing you?"

[cadcamlan]

"Only that you're different." His hand not clutching hers lifts to her cheek again, smooths gently along her jaw. "We both are. Whether that's... deficient or superior is... hardly the question."

[cywyllog]

"I am only different in that you dared play with my sisters and I when most other boys knew well enough to stay away." Something she'd always liked about him. "So really, 'twas your difference that gave me mine."

[cadcamlan]

For half a second, he falters. His fingers on her jaw take an actual grip, breath a little tight.

"...I suppose I did this to you." If he had left her alone, maybe her fate wouldn't have twined in with his. Maybe she wouldn't have to fight for a husband she would ultimately lose to a greater purpose. "Would that I could be... more sorry."

[cywyllog]

"No, that isn't what I meant. You were braver than the other boys. You still are."

She places a hand over his holding her jaw to try to relax him. "I choose you first above all others because I want to, not because somehow, you have made it so."

[cadcamlan]

It takes a few seconds for the tension in his fingers to relax, for his jaw to unclench a hair. "...I hope your father sees it as you do, Cywyllog."